Sometimes Change Goes Unnoticed
by Oesterdae
Summary: He can't help himself from being mean to his favorite little punching bag, but with high school graduation approaching, Cartman is running out of time to express his true feelings to Kyle before they leave South Park and go their separate ways into adulthood.


The platform he puts himself on is crumbling from underneath. He can't play these little cat and mouse games anymore, time is no longer of the essence. He can't screw around like he used too. No, it's me. I'm losing time. I'll miss my chance to seize the moment. It's not like I had a chance anyways though. God damn I need to pull myself out of these unrealistic dreams and prepare for the real world. Fat chance I'll survive anywhere thinking like a lovesick homo.

Ah, the excitement of senior year. I'm already intimidating enough, but now with this new upperclassman title, I'll be on top of it all and unstoppable. Well, not really, but I still like to let myself ride out on this false sense of self confidence. This is what I mean about needing to pull myself into reality and stop dawdling in daydreams.

The first week of school has already come and gone. Fewer and fewer Freshman are getting lost, Sophomores are beginning to get a taste of what it's like not to be at rock bottom, Juniors are preparing for the worst, and the seniors, well they're still here.

Not much has changed for a while though, I'm still fat, actually more like chubby now but I make it up with my strength. Stan and Wendy have been on and off more times than a whores panties. Kenny doesn't understand the concept of keeping it _in_ his pants. And Kyle, he's been growing more faggy by the second. Of course he's never been a sports kind of guy so the lack of exercise keeps him lanky, the perfect body to fit in any pair skinny jeans. No size is too small for that beanpole. The fact that he has the power to look incredibly sexy in everything he wears is fucking torture. What an asshole. You see, my hormones have peaked at an all time high for the past six years, causing sexual attraction to an unwanted individual. That's all it is, hormones. Things will die down once we graduate. In June.

But imagining life without him tears me apart. I bet he'd do just fine without me, but I need him, my little punching bag. I'm so fucking gay if I wasn't me I'd make myself sick. Wait, I do make myself sick.

It started with one pair of skinny jeans. Just one pair that he wore a certain way that made me pop a fucking boner in class if I thought too hard about them. Then it was two pairs of skinny jeans, then all of his jeans, then his outfits, and hair, and shit I'd bet he'd look just as fine without any clothes too. And before you know it, I was having thoughts like that more than I could count. Not to mention waking up from wet dream after wet dream, his gay little face plastered in my mind. Fucking puberty all over again.

Living with these feelings is so painful. I hate it so much and I hate Kyle even more for it. But what really angers me is that I don't know if I really want to give up on this crush No matter what I've done to rid myself of this unwanted affection, there's still some small hope inside me, somewhere, that's telling me that there's still a chance, that things might work out. That demonic hope tricks me into making a fool of myself. I'm so infuriating.

"Eric, what's the matter?" Fuck, who let Butters in? He's standing in the doorway of my room, watching me lie on my bed.

"Nothing of your concern, I'm just… thinking." I motion him to go away.

"Thinking 'bout what?" Instead of leaving, he does the exact opposite.

"I just said don't worry about it! Go away Butters."

"But I was wondering if you'd wanna play with me-"

"Not in the mood."

"See there is something that's the matter with you."

"What?"

"Just tell me what's on your mind."

"I said nothing! I'm not thinking about anything!"

"Eric I can kinda tell you're lying."

"Butters I'd rather tie bricks to my feet and jump into a river of piranhas than talk to yo-"

"Is it about Kyle?"

I stop, cold. Shit shit shit don't stop talking he's going to suspect he's right. I have to say something.

"N-no, what the fuck?" God damnit, I'm done for now. The sutter was more than enough to give me away.

"It is! I knew it."

"Fuck you." Butter's has known about my crush for a while now. Only because he's one of few that spares time for me.

"Awwwh it is! Gosh are you gunna ask him out soon? You know this is your last year-"

"Don't remind me. And no, I'm not 'asking him out'. Are you fucking stupid?"

"I never knew you'd be so shy, Eric"

"I'm not shy dickwad, I just have common sense."

"But you haven't even given yourself a chance. How do you know that Kyle doesn't like you?" I cringe at hearing his name, He's is making this more painfully real than it needs to be. I roll over on my side to face away from Butters.

"Hm, how could I possibly know?" I say with a clear sarcastic undertone. Butters sighs.

"Maybe you just have to show Kyle how much you've changed and how you're not as mean as you used to be."

"Maybe I haven't changed much."

"Really? Because I know for sure that if I was talking to the Eric six years ago, he would've found a way to get Kyle in his arms ages ago." I don't answer Butters, because I know what he says in true.

"Leave." This time, I'm stern and I hear footsteps lead out of my room.

If I started acting nice to Kyle now, after years of bickering and hatred, he'd suspect that I'd have ulterior motives and the plan would backfire. Maybe I just have to gradually win him over. I'd have to be incredibly subtle. But yeah, I could be subtle. Instead of ignoring that small hope inside me that says things are going to turn out alright, I'll act upon it. I just have to be very careful, I'll be walking on glass and as painful and excruciating as this is going to be, if I play my cards right it'll be worth it.


End file.
